Beth's Mama Drama

Mama To Be, Wife, Emotions....

2010-01-28T23:40:00.003-05:00

Mama To Be:

I'm nervous about this pregnancy.... Yes, I've been pregnant many times, but this time, it just feels different. I had my checkup with my OB/Gyn and all is well so far. My blood pressure was up a little bit, so I have to watch my sodium intake....okay, easy enough. My husband is in jail until February 18. That's his next court date. His probation officer is trying to get him on a probation violation on a charge that he hasn't even been convicted of. I think his PO is jumping the gun a bit...but okay. Anyways, since Chris was arrested on January 17, I have talked to him every day, I've mailed him letters and even put money on his books so he can order food from the commissary. The jail food sucks there and Chris was getting sick from the jail food. So now he orders food like soups, sausages, crackers, all kinds of stuff from the commissary to eat now. I send him $40.00/week. I also put at least $100 on the phones each week so we can talk. I only get to talk to him 3 times a day. Once in the morning, once in the afternoon and one last time before they shut the phones off at 11:30pm.
Anyways, I'm nervous about this pregnancy. I am trying to do all the right things. I even quit smoking too, cold turkey to be exact. Yeah, I was real pleasant to be around for the first few days of the nicotine withdrawal. I could have taken someone's head off....hehehehe. But I have a very supportive family and friends too that help me when I need their help. I'm also the proud auntie to my niece's little boy. Little Michael Lavelle Paige, Jr. He is just so precious. Anyways, my niece Rickcal told me that I could have her baby stuff for our baby when it comes times. I thought it was nice of her to offer. She's really sweet. Also, my mom is planning on having a baby shower for me in either April or May. I know that she's going to be in cahoots with my cousin and best friend Georgeanne so they can plan the baby shower. My mom told me that I should register online with Babies R Us or maybe even Wal-Mart or Target. I don't know yet....I'll talk to Chris about it tomorrow and get his thoughts on the idea of registering online for the baby shower. Anyways, his mother, sister & brother still aren't speaking to me. Which is fine by me. Ever since Chris went to jail 2 weeks ago, they haven't spoken to me. They apparently think it's my fault why Chris is in jail. Long story short, Chris should've went to court like he was supposed to, that's why he's in jail right now. Why would I put the father of our baby in jail? Especially when we have been getting along great lately and things have been going good for us. I've been a train wreck since then.

Chris is worried about me getting stressed out because of everything that's going on with him and us right now. I try not to stress, but it's hard not to. I worry because I miss my husband and just want him home with me... I am miserable without him and I just feel lost. The whole situation is just screwed up...
So anyways, I'm going to go and get ready for bed. I have to be up at 7:15 to get Cheyenne ready for school. My mom is taking her to school in the morning and I can go back to bed til 10:30 or so, when Chris calls me.
Until I blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

Some Thoughts...

2010-01-07T00:36:00.002-05:00

I have alot on my mind tonight. I'm more peeved than anything else right now. I called around all day today trying to find a physician that will see because of the car accident I was in on Monday, but to no avail. My family physician told me that they treat my injuries from the accident and that I would have to be referred to a Sports Medicine place in Canton, Ohio. WTF?! Are they kidding me? I live almost 2 hours from Canton and it certainly is NOT worth the drive there. I called just to find out if they could possibly get me in, yeah in about 3 weeks and they got real rude when I said I didn't have health insurance. What does that have to do with anything?? The automobile insurance from the woman that hit us will pick up the tab and I told them that I have a claim number & everything from the insurance company and apparently that wasn't good enough. So I just hung up on the lady after she was everything but polite to me on the phone. Anyways, I put Georgeanne on a mission for me tomorrow...help me find a physician around the Youngstown area that will be able to see me and not be ignorant just because I don't have health insurance at the moment.

Cheyenne is still pretty sore from the accident. Me, my back is going in and out of spasms and my mom's neck is all out of whack. I guess Cheyenne's dad is coming up sometime tomorrow to see Cheyenne...lucky me. I really don't want to see him. Cheyenne decided to tell me 15 minutes before she went to bed that she talked to her Dad and that he was wanting to see her tomorrow. Well I hope he realizes that she goes to school tomorrow and that she won't be home until after 4 o'clock. So he better not even think about showing up before then. Other than for Cheyenne, he has no reason to be here whatsoever.

Almost Here!

2009-12-22T01:37:00.002-05:00

Well, Christmas is almost here....3 more days! In a way, I will be glad when it's over so my daughter will quit asking me what we got her for Christmas. I swear every day for the past month, that's all she's done. Every single day! lol And I tell her the same thing every day, if she keeps asking, she won't get anything from anyone. That quickly ends the conversation...hehehe

I got a surprise call today that I wasn't expecting at all. Brian called me and asked me if I wanted to go Christmas shopping with him. I was completely shocked. So I agreed to meet him at Wal-Mart. I was looking at some pajamas and he got them for me for Christmas. I told him that he didn't have to do that and that I would get them eventually and he told me "Merry Christmas honey." So I kindly thanked him and we went about our business, continuing shopping for Cheyenne. Did I mention that Brian brought one of his friends with him and I think he noticed the way that Brian and I looked at each other. Anyways, for the next hour or so while we're there, we actually got along and shopped like we did when we were together. It was weird and familiar at the same time, if that makes any sense at all. But anyways, that's enough for tonight and I'm exhausted from a very long day today!

Shopping is Done!!!

2009-12-07T21:10:00.002-05:00

Shopping is Done Finally!! :

My mom and I finally got our Christmas shopping done today. We decided to go to Wal-Mart, I figured that was our best bet as I didn't think they would be as packed as the mall would be. And I was right too. We finished shopping for Cheyenne, there were a few more things that she added to her Christmas list. There's 4 more people I need to get for... Mom, Dad, Marty & Heaven Irene. I know what Heaven and Marty want. Heaven wants anything that has Dora the Explorer or stuff like that. And for Marty, she like candles, Garfield the cat. Now Mom & Dad will be a little harder to shop for. But that's okay. I like going out and Christmas shopping, except on Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas.

Other than that, not much going on here. My Mom got me an early Christmas present today while we were at Wal-Mart. She got me "Hidden Expedition, Devil's Triangle". It's a hidden object game and so far, it's pretty cool. I get into mysteries, sci-fi and stuff like that. I want to get World of Warcraft, but it's pretty expensive when you get all the expansion packs and stuff for it. But I like the game I got, so I'm not complaining lol.

Unwinding.....

2009-12-06T01:02:00.002-05:00

Unwinding:

Today was a busy day. I got up at 9:30 and I took Cheyenne to basketball practice. Then I picked her up at noon and we came home for a bit. She didn't want to go to my niece's birthday party so she ended up going to stay at her friend's house for the night. Georgeanne had a nice party for Heaven. I helped Georgeanne make the cake and get everything ready for the party. No one else seemed to want to help pitch in with anything. But I told Georgeanne that if she needed any help at all to just let me know. It ended up being a real nice party. We took a bunch of pictures and I'm going to upload them the Walmart's website and then pick them up. Heaven got a lot of nice things for her birthday. I just can't believe that she's 6. I remember holding her when she was a baby and she has grown up so fast. Next thing I know, she'll be getting ready to graduate high school. It's the same with Cheyenne, next thing I know too, she'll be off to college. Anyways, Rickcal came up, she said to help, but she really didn't help much. She sat most of the time. I asked her if she could wash out the cake pan real quick and she copped an attitude with me. Granted, I know she's pregnant, but Georgeanne was preoccupied trying to get the chili sauce and the hot dogs ready. And I was mixing the other layer for cake. Georgeanne had a HUGE 2 layer cake with strawberry glaze in the middle. That cake was off the chain!! It was so good that it gave me a sugar buzz lol. So that was the extent of my day. I'll upload pictures from the party tomorrow. I'm exhausted. So until I blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

A Busy Day Planned For Tomorrow!

2009-12-04T23:18:00.002-05:00

A Busy Day Tomorrow:

I have a busy day planned, all starting at 9:30 am. Cheyenne has basketball practice tomorrow, it's their first practice of the season and they're going to be playing in games this year finally. They didn't play any games last year. And they also get their schedule, which she didn't get last year, or Cheyenne lost it somewhere. So that's why I'm going to take her so I can get the schedule and keep it on the fridge. Then after that Cheyenne is spending the night at her friend Tea's. And I'm going to Georgeanne's daughter's birthday party at 3:30. Heaven will be 6 tomorrow. I remember holding her when she was a baby. I still have to get her a birthday present. I'll do that sometime tomorrow between running around lol.
Then after the party, a friend of mine and I are going to see New Moon. I'm so excited!! I've been wanting to see it since they first announced it. So that's about it for around here. So until I blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

Well I've Made Up My Mind...

2009-11-29T23:39:00.002-05:00

Well I've Made Up My Mind:

I've decided to go back to Blogger for all my blogging needs. I love that I can change my themes accordingly to my mood or for the holidays. Wordpress is good too, but Blogger is better in the fact that I can change my template for free. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year. Cheyenne is going to have a nice Christmas and I am going to make sure of that. By hook or by crook, it will be one of the best Christmas's for her. And I'm not even going to ask for Brian's help because he likes to throw shit back in face eventually. I mean I don't care if he gets her something for Christmas, but he doesn't need to rub it in my face. He thinks that I need his help, but this Christmas, I will prove to him that I don't need his help.
So that's about it. So until we blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

Easter Bunny Lane Visit

2009-03-20T19:06:00.003-04:00

Visit to Easter Bunny Lane:
My mom and I took Cheyenne to Easter Bunny Lane today. There's like a specialty store here called Kraynak's and every year, they have Christmas Lane and Easter Bunny Lane. And the best thing about it is that it's free! It's even free to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap and that's pretty cool. Cheyenne didn't want any part of the Easter Bunny though for some reason, but I didn't push the issue. She's finally starting to feel better, which is a very good sign. Other than that, not much going on here. So I'm going to get off of here and spend some time with my daughter. So until we blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(
P.S.~ Below, you'll find a couple of pictures from today...

What Happened, Divorce, College Student...

2009-03-20T00:07:00.003-04:00

What Happened?:
Where's the warm weather?? Yesterday it was 62 out an today it was only 45. No wonder people get sick, ya know? Tomorrow is the first day of spring and I hope the snow is gone until the end of the year. I am so sick of seeing snow because we got pummeled with it this year. I love being outside and so does Cheyenne, but she doesn't like to go out in the cold, which I don't blame her one bit. She asked me today once it gets warmer out, if she could walk home from the bus stop. I don't mind because she comes straight home and doesn't goof off and make me wonder where she is.

Sick Child:
Cheyenne has been sick for 3 days now. The first day, it started out with a fever, sore neck, sore throat, headache and vomiting. The second day was pretty much the same as the first day, except her stomach started hurting. Now today, no vomiting, she was able to keep the chicken soup and powerade down. Now she says the far right side of her abdomen hurts and the only thing that's over that way is her appendix. I'm going to take her to her pediatrician tomorrow and find out what's up. I feel so bad for her when she's sick, because she has no color to her whatsoever. She's as pale as a ghost. Even her eyes are glassy and her pupils are dilated. And when she's sick, she's usually down for at least a week. Her school was doing PSSA (state testing) all this week and she had to miss it. She was looking forward to the testing, because she knew everything that would be on the test. So I called her teacher and he said that she could make it up at the end of the year so she'll be able to go into 4th grade. I still can't believe that my baby is 10 years old, next thing I know, she'll be 16, then 18 graduating from high school, then 21 and hopefully she'll still want to go to college by then. She said that she either wanted to be an Astronaut, Lawyer or a Doctor. And academic wise, she's doing really good. I'm just so proud of her, ya know? She's my baby, well maybe not so much now, but she will always be my baby and she can always come to me for anything.....

It's Official:
I filed for divorce today against Chris. I am done playing his petty BS games. What he does is run his mouth and just make up shit to get into any kind of argument that he can with me. Just something for him to fight with me about. He'll leave smart ass remarks on my voicemail saying. "tell your boyfriend that I said hi." First of all, I don't have a boyfriend and I can't count how many times I have told him this. And I should have known that it was only a matter of time before he picks a fight with me. I don't look at other men, let alone look at them when we're together, because when we're together, I have no reason to look at anyone else. But that's not a good enough reason for him. But it's alright that when I went over to see him one day, his ex GF was in front of his house, and he was standing over the door of the car looking pretty cozy with her. I was livid!! And he said that I had no reason to be upset because nothing happened. That's not the *@!*&# point! Now if I was to do that with my ex, he would have knocked the crap outta me and put in the hospital for it. It has to be one sided with him. He can't compromise with someone if his life depended on it. And personally, it's time I moved on. A good friend of mine, Jessica and her boyfriend D, both told me that Chris is a time bomb just waiting to explode and that I could do much better and be with someone that wants to be with me, someone who is NOT controlling at ALL, someone that understands that when my daughter is sick, I do need to be with her. That's another thing that he got pissed off about. When I told him the other day that I couldn't come down because Cheyenne was sick, he told me that it was just another excuse to not come over and see him! How fucking lame is that?!?! REALLY?? When I'm here in bed sleeping, he'll call and if don't answer the phone by the 3rd ring, he will leave me a nasty voicemail saying that I'm nothing but a whore, a slut and that I need to answer the f'n phone. Now why would I want to be with someone that is treating me like shit and belittles me in front of my family & friends? I can honestly say that I regret every marrying him and the sooner that the divorce goes through, the better. And that's one step closer to getting my life back on track.

New College Student:
That's right..I officially enrolled in an online college today. The name of the college is Centura College and I did some research and found that between Centura and University of Phoenix, that Centura's courses were more suited to my needs and I like the fact that I can even take the classes late at night if I had to. The method to my madness is to take the courses when Cheyenne is in school, that way I can concentrate on my studies, without interruptions. I will be taking Medical Coding/Medical Transcription w/Medical Management course and the classes start on May 11. I will have my Associate's Degree in only 18 months. This is something that I am really looking forward to and even my parent's are proud of me. I took the entrance exam yesterday and I surprisingly got an A on it. I was so excited when I logged onto the site and looked at my grade for the exam! Well, I'm going to get off of here and try to get some sleep because for the past 3 nights, I've only been able to get a couple hours sleep here and there because I've been getting up with Cheyenne when she's vomited. Not that I'm complaining because that's what I'm supposed to do for my daughter. So until we blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

I Said Goodbye,

2009-03-19T00:05:00.002-04:00

Said Goodbye:
I called Chris and told him to meet me at Georgie's house today. I wanted to meet him on neutral ground, because the less people around, the better. Well, when I got there, he was already there. I no sooner got out of the jeep, and he says this, 'where the fuck did you get the pittsburgh keychain from? Did your boyfriend buy it for you?' He always says some sarcastic bullshit. It's like he purposely makes up shit to start an argument. I don't know how many more times I can attempt to convince that I haven't been with anybody, but that's not a good enough answer. It's like he wants me to cheat on him. Well, the thought has never crossed my mind. And I just got over being sick, so having sex wasn't on my list of priorities at the moment. So he took it as I was sleeping with someone else. That is the farthest thing from my mind. After about 20 minutes of bickering back and forth, I told him that I was walking away and that I am done with the emotional abuse. I am tired of being called names on a daily basis, I am tired of having anxiety attacks because he thinks by doing so, it makes him feel in control. It has gotten to the point where he has alienated me from MY daughter. When I go see him, I'm not allowed to go home until after 10 most nights and by that time, Cheyenne is in bed and then I don't get to see her or spend any time with her at all. I tried to tell him about it, and he said that I was making it up, even though I'm not the only one that notices it. So, does that make us all liars?!? And I think it's going to come down to me changing my phone number again. Now, it's time for me to get off of here because it's getting late. Marty will be here at 10am to pick me up, we're leaving for the day. So until we blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

Feeling Disconnected Today...

2009-03-17T20:01:00.003-04:00

Disconnected:
I guess it's just an 'off' day for me today. Nothing seems to be going right. I went over to see Georgie today, and we decided to take her daughter, Heaven, to the park for a little bit. It was such a nice day out, and I knew that Heaven wanted to go to the park and play on the swings and stuff. And even doing that, I just felt 'out of sorts'. I sure hope tomorrow will be a better day, because something has got to give. Right now, Chris and I are arguing, and that's not helping matters much at all. I hate it when we argue, because he thinks he's always right, and expects an apology even if he knows he was wrong...he will NEVER apologize first and it irritates me to no end when he does that. And I also think he knows that too lol. And not to mention, when we do argue, I get depressed, and get knots in my stomach and then the anxiety attacks set it. He doesn't understand this and you think he would because he's seen my anxiety attacks before. It feels like someone is sitting on my chest and I can't breathe. Oh, another thing, if people would just keep their yaps shut and stop talking trash, we wouldn't have many problems. But there's always someone out there who's jealous and doesn't want to see us happy and they start running their yaps and cause all kinds of problems for us, that we don't need. We have a hard enough time trying to make it. And I have found that the people that do open up their yaps are the ones that are jealous of how happy we are and can be. There's been times to where I wish we could just move away from all the bullshit, but financially, we can't afford to move out of Youngstown. So we're stuck in this hell hole of a town, while people run their mouths.

Job Hunting:
Well, the job hunting isn't going very well. This economy is so tanked right now. I put applications in to various places, with the hopes that someone will call me, but no luck so far. I have my certification as a Home Health Aide from the state but no one is hiring, at least not me anyways. I've only been fired from one job in my life. But I'm trying so very hard to keep my chin up and that I will find something soon. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but living with them is hard on Cheyenne and I. I hardly have any privacy....I just want a house that I can call my own, ya know? Where Chris, Cheyenne & I can be a family, living together. But it's just so hard, because I can't catch a break anywhere. It can be disheartening and discouraging at times. So anyways, I'm gonna get off of here and try to get rid of this migraine, before I end up in the ER tonight. So until we blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

A Great Day!!

2009-03-15T23:14:00.002-04:00

A Great Day:
Today was a great day, all in all. Chris and I took Cheyenne fishing, so she could try out her new fishing pole that she got for her birthday. Although she didn't catch any fish after the 3rd hour, we headed back to Debbie's house so we could all hook up to go into the mud pits. Last night, Chris' friend, Ryan was in the pits with us and we were on a trail and he busted 3 of his lugnuts off his Blazer. So he couldn't go in the mud with us today. But Cheyenne had fun because Ricky brought the quad down into the pits so the kiddos could take turns going on the quad with someone. Greg also brought Jeremy, which put Cheyenne in a good mood because she had someone else to play with down there. It was a nice day, and the pits were still pretty muddy from last week's rain, so why not enjoy it outside, right? Now that the weather is getting warmer and it's staying warm, we'll be out in the pits every weekend and then when Yankee Lake opens back up, we'll be up there on Friday nights.

Just Rambling:
Oh yeah, Chris and I filed our income taxes yesterday, and I thought that we would get some money the same day, but we'll have to wait 8-10 days. I was a little bummed out, but I do know that those 8-10 days will just DRAG!! lol I'm looking forward to it because Chris is going to buy me a diamond 'Journey' wedding band. And we're also going to the Pocono Mtns. for a couple days for our honeymoon because we didn't go on a honeymoon after we got married. But it's a stunning B&B, the house it a Gothic style Victorian. I fell in love with the house almost immediately and when I showed the pictures of the house to Chris, he fell in love with the house too. Both my Mom and Georgie offered to keep Cheyenne that weekend. So when it comes closer to the time that we're leaving, we'll let her decide where she wants to stay. I'm trying to let her be independent, but yet still have some control in her life, ya know? I just can't believe that she's 10 already! Where have all these years gone?? Next thing I know, she'll be 16 and then 21. My baby isn't such a baby anymore. Well, it's getting pretty late so I'm going to get off of here and get some sleep. I have to get up early with Cheyenne in the AM and take her to school. She took my wallet to school and it's in her desk and I need my SS card out of there so I can take that and my marriage license to the bank tomorrow. So until we blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

Sharing Some Birthday Pictures....

2009-03-14T23:46:00.004-04:00

Cheyenne's Birthday Pictures:

I finally uploaded the pictures from Cheyenne's birthday party last weekend. Did I mention that she had a wonderful birthday?!? Chris' entire family was there, they're all related to her now by marriage, so about 40 people showed up for her. She was shocked that everyone was there for her. She had her Hannah Montana pinata, which Chris had to hold up because it was too heavy to hang from the ceiling. It turned into a cookout and Chris did the food on the grill and everything just fell into place, if that makes sense. She got a fishing pole(from us), cards with money in them, a Hannah Montana DS game(from Chris' mom & dad), HM plate set and cups(Uncle Matt) a HM 300 pc. puzzle(from Jeremy & Josh). She got quite a bit of money which added up to be over $100 which included 2 gift cards. So she made out pretty well if you ask me. So without further ado, here's the pictures: Picture #1 is her HM birthday cake, Picture #2 is her Pinata, and Picture #3 is Cheyenne with her new HM Nintendo DS game. So enjoy the pictures everyone! Well, it's getting late and I need to get some sleep. We have a busy day planned tomorrow...family fishing trip! So until we blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

My Baby's 10 Today!!

2009-03-07T00:08:00.002-05:00

Ten Years Old Today:
Where has the time gone?? My baby is 10 today, well technically not for another 4 hours, but still. I went to see Chris today and we ended up at Wal-Mart and got Cheyenne a Disney Princess fishing pole. She talked about wanting her own pole and her birthday was coming up so we got it... it was only $10.96, which wasn't bad at all, ya know? We also got her Hannah Montana balloons too. We got those at Giant Eagle, which we only paid $12.96 for a dozen balloons. This year we decided to go with the Hannah Montana theme for her birthday. I'm kind of pissed off that my mother is letting her Dad come up here for her party. So I told her that I was leaving and that she could meet me at my house in Brookfield after dipshit left. I have nothing to say to that asshole. I'm trying to work things out with my husband and I don't need him running his mouth or trying to get Chris and I to argue. That will NOT happen! Well anyways, Chris and I decorated Cheyenne's HM cake and it turned out pretty nice. I plan on taking lots of pictures tomorrow of Cheyenne's cake and her opening up her presents. So look either here or at Facebook for the pictures. Well, it's late and I need to get up early tomorrow. Have a busy day planned for her!
So until we blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

I Can't Believe It...

2009-03-01T00:07:00.003-05:00

Can't Believe It:
I wrecked my Jeep today, well actually yesterday now. I was going down the freeway and this asshole was beside me and then he got right behind me. But I had my turn signal on, getting ready to turn in to the gas station to get gas. So instead of having him plow into me, I hit a patch of gravel, brakes locked up and I slid right into the fucking pole!! I tore off the wheel flare, the wheel well was laying on top of my tire, detroyed my bumper, did fender and suspension damage. So on Monday, it's going to the body shop and the insurance is going to take care of it. I was so pissed off that I could have screamed right there, but I had to keep my cool because I had Cheyenne in the jeep with me. I was able to make it over to Chris's mom's house so he could try to put the wheel flare and wheel well back together somewhat so I could get it home later. Luckily, he was able to do that. It doesn't look half bad now, lol. Cheyenne got a little bit of whiplash when I hit the pole because she didn't have her seatbelt on like she was supposed to and got flung from the back seat and whacked her head off the passenger seat in the front. So I'm going to keep an eye on her to make sure she's alright. When I called Chris to let him know that I wrecked the Jeep, I was in hysterics and crying and he couldn't understand anything that I was saying to him. He finally got me to calm down and I told him that I wrecked the jeep and that the wheel flare was in my backseat, marker light busted out completely and everything else that got busted up in the aftermath. I just figured I'd hit that than have some asswipe plow into me because the damage probably would've been worse I'm sure. So I'm headed to bed, with thoughts of how much it's going to cost to fix... So until we blog again, hugs & blessed be! )0(

Nice Weather Finally,Etc....

2009-02-25T18:40:00.002-05:00

Nice Weather:
It reached 50 degrees here today. Not that I was complaining lol. It's supposed to be nice tomorrow too. Chris, myself, GeorgeAnne & Heaven went to the park today and fed the ducks. Heaven really enjoyed feeding them. And then after the bread was gone, she went over and played on the jungle gym thingie. GeorgeAnne rarely takes Heaven out of the house, let alone takes her to the park. So I thought it would be a great idea to take her to the park, since it was such a nice day out. I just don't understand how anybody can be cooped up in the house when it's beautiful outside.

Moving:
I am so not looking forward to moving the heavy furniture out of the house in Brookfield. But it has to be done soon because the Realtor has a potential buyer for the house. I haven't decided if I'm going to put my stuff in a storage unit or just put it in my Mom's shed. I'll probably just put it in her shed so I can save what money I do have, ya know?

Broken Foot Day 2

2009-02-13T17:11:00.002-05:00

Broken Foot Day 2:
I hate being cooped up in the house here. Only 29 more days to go of this lol. I sure hope I can make it through this. My Mom did get me out of the house for a little bit today so I could go to my house and feed the cats. Right now, I'm staying with my Mom so I don't have to walk up all them stairs.

Valentine's Day:
I'm bummed out about tomorrow. Chris and I had plans for Valentine's Day, but I don't see that happening though. I can't drive and I can't find anyone that will come pick me up so we can spend the day together. So I guess you could say we're both pissed off about tomorrow. I'll just have to deal with it I guess. Not much else going on here, so I'm going to get off of here and get some ice for my foot. So until we blog again, hugs and blessed be! )0(

The Heck With the Flu, How About A Broken Foot Instead?!?

2009-02-12T18:06:00.003-05:00

Broken Foot Fiasco:
It would have been nice to have known that I've been walking around on a broken foot and didn't even know it. I just thought that my bone spur was acting up, with the feeling of someone shoving knives into the bottom of my foot, but nooooooooo it couldn't be that flippin' simple! I have a stress fracture on my right foot and my foot doctor put me in a cast for the next month!! I can't stand being cooped up in the house as it is, let alone for a whole month. WTF am I gonna do besides drive myself crazy here? So if you have any suggestions on how to curb the boredom and driving myself bonkers, please leave me a comment, k? When I got home from the doctor, Cheyenne thought it was funny that I was hobbling, calling me 'hopalong'. That's okay, I'll get even with her butt lol. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but one day whe she least expects it....hehehe I know, mean mommy :D
And the pain meds I got, they work wonders let me tell ya. In all honestly, I hope nothing else goes wrong because this bad luck shit has got to stop cause if it don't I'm gonna join a flippin' convent and live in solitude the rest of my life away from every thing lmao... just kidding. Don't think I could handle that either. So I'm gonna get off of here and go rest my foot. So until we blog again, hugs and blessed be!

Life's Issues, Valentine's Day, A New Journal

2009-02-12T00:24:00.003-05:00

Life's Issues:
I'm trying to understand why my cousin does the things she does. I love her to death, but her BF of 6 years has to go. She got her income tax refund and wasn't allowed to spend any of the money. She had to give him her entire check except for $20!! When she told me that, I wanted to deck his ass!! I was so mad, and I thought to myself, why would she do that?!? For one, they're not married, and for another, he does nothing to help support her or their child. In my opinion, he's a thief, a crackhead and just an asshole. She has Children Services at her house weekly to make sure that he isn't there. He has pending charges in another county for child molestation. And one day they came to her house and showed her these charges from the other county and told the CS caseworker that it wasn't him. They showed her the picture of him!! And that day he almost got busted and took out the back door. And the really fucked up part is that their daughter, she's 5, her mom took her to the doctor for a routine visit and she told the doctor that her daddy touched her down there. And they did a physical exam on her and they determined that she was touched. When I found out, I wanted to hunt the SOB down and shoot him myself! Why does she continue to let him in her house and around her daughter knowing all of this? She says that he loves her and thinks that no one else will want her besides him. How will she know if she doesn't try? I just don't get it.....

Valentine's Day:
They're calling for more snow tomorrow and for this weekend. Chris and I have plans for dinner, but he's not telling me where we're going yet. He got me this HUGE ass V Day card yesterday. It was so nice. He's getting better in the romance department, with my help of course...hehehe Men could always use a little bit of encouragement in that department I think, right? Anyways, I hope we don't get too much snow this weekend. I really enjoyed the warm weather the past couple days even though it rained most of that time. Oh well....

A New Journal:
I took a midnight trip to Wal-Mart to get a few things. I was thinking about getting a journal and I wanted to see how much they were. They had some nice ones there and I couldn't decide on which one I wanted to get. So I got this little one, it's suede. It's pretty cool. That way, if I don't blog on here one day, I can write it down in my journal so I don't forget, kwim? Well, it's 12:30 and I need to be up early again tomorrow. So until we blog again, hugs and blessed be! )0(

Feeling Like Crap....

2009-02-07T22:32:00.002-05:00

Under the weather:
I do not feel good at all. Could someone please put me out of my misery?!? I'm all congested, I have a sinus infection, constantly coughing and have a temp of around 101. And the only thing I can think of is that I got sick while Chris and I took Cheyenne sled riding last weekend. Chris is sick too. I feel so bad for him because he's just as irritable as I am. All I want to do is sleep and can't because I can't breathe when I lay down. I am taking my pain medication for my migraines to try and help me sleep. It helps a little bit though.

Beautiful Weather:
The weather was absolutely beautiful here today. Alot of the snow and ice melted and hopefully the temperature won't go down anytime soon and make everything slick again. But then again I love to watch all the idiots out there trying to drive in that crap and sliding all over the place, knowing good and well that they should have stayed home lol... just sayin'. Well, I'm gonna get off of here because my meds are kickin' in and I've had about all I can take for one day. Until we blog again, hugs and blessed be!! )0(

Window Shopping at Wal-Mart,etc...

2009-02-04T23:11:00.002-05:00

Window Shopping at Wal~Mart:
Georgeanne got her tax refund today and she asked me if I would take her out to Wal~Mart. The jeep was packed with people... George, Chris, Rick, Rickcal and myself all piled into the jeep for the trip to Boardman. Chris and I headed to the jewelry department and found the wedding rings that we want. We also were looking at the lingerie, and there was a couple of things that I would wear for him...hehehehe. I was surprised when George offered to take us all to Cici's Pizza for a late lunch. Then after Cici's, we went into Barnes & Noble and was looking at all the Witchcraft books there.

WTF Is the Deal?!:
My dipshit ex husband is running his mouth again. And he is stopping at nothing to get Chris and I to argue. Asswipe told my mom that he couldn't believe that she would let me be with Chris after all that has happened between him and me. But you know what? Every relationship isn't perfect and we are trying to be happy and people just won't stop interfering and it really aggravating me. Brian has absolutely nothing to gain by running his mouth to my mom or anyone else for that matter. So until he decides to grow up and act like a human being, I told Cheyenne that she will no longer be playing on the XBox 360 anymore with him. She didn't like that too well and I told her to get over it. She can't get online without the ethernet cable...hehehe. Now, that's dramatic lol. And here's the thing with asswipe, his best friend L****, happens to be Chris's uncle, and talk about complicated. So L**** thinks he has something to gain by being shoved up asswipe's ass all the time and he runs his mouth doing anything he can to split up Chris and I. I'm just not sure how much more of this stupid shit I can take. Enough is enough already. Well, it's a little after midnight and I need to get some sleep. So until we blog again, hugs and blessed be!

It's Been Awhile....

2009-02-02T02:01:00.004-05:00

It's Been Awhile:
It's been almost a month since I last blogged. Lately, it seems that I hardly have the time to blog. Work keeps me pretty busy and all is good. Not much really happening here. I went back to court on the 22nd, and it didn't go as planned. But I'm dealing with it the best I can. Let's just say the Judge made up continue the anger management and marriage couseling thing. So far so good. We're starting to actually listen to one another and not get frustrated with each other. And not being together 24/7 helps too. And he just got a job and is filed his income tax return, and that will help out tremendously too. I think that Chris is finally getting it.....lol

Sled Riding:
Chris and I took Cheyenne and her cousin sled riding yesterday and today. Today, Cheyenne copped an attitude because she wanted Jeremy to go down the hill first and he wanted her to go down first. Granted, Cheyenne's older than Jeremy by 5 years and I stood there and argued with her for 20 minutes to either go down or I was going to push her down the hill. So she stood up and said "fine, I'm not going sled riding!" Alright whatever. So then we left and I had to listen to the crying crap for the next hour. I was about to choke her. She needed an attitude adjustment and I was about to put her in her place. I finally told her that if she didn't quit the crap, she would never go sled riding with me again, no XBox 360, no Nintendo DS, no computer and no television until she's 18. She didn't like that too well and that seemed to straighten her butt out. Chris and I were at our wit's end with her today.

Moved Back Home:
Yes, you heard me right. I had to move back into my Mom's house. With it being so cold a couple weeks ago, all the pipes burst in the basement and there's about 4 inches of water down there now. Then last week someone came in and took all the copper pipes out of my house. I was so pissed and the fucked up part is that I know who did it. That's okay, the m***** f***** will get his in the end. So until spring or until Chris and I get our own place, I'll be here at my Mom's. It's now a 45 minute drive to see him every day instead of a 20 minute drive, but it's well worth it. He's really good around Cheyenne, he does stuff with her and treats her like his own child.

Some Final Thoughts:
There are people that tell me all the reasons why I shouldn't be with Chris. And people sometimes tell me that when I talk I don't make sense, but around Chris, I make perfect sense and he understands me. I guess I just didn't want to admit how much I really loved him because I was scared to be in love and to experience love like this scared the hell out of me and that's why I would run away from it, instead of embracing it. So yeah, I'm going to work it out with my husband and make the whole world jealous...hehehehe. Well, that's about it, because it's now 2:17 am and I need to be up at 7:30 to get Cheyenne on the bus at 8:15. So until we blog again, hugs and blessed be!

First Day of Work/Class...

2009-01-12T19:32:00.003-05:00

First Day:
I am working for a home health agency and right now I'm taking the CHHA training class to be come state certified. And once I'm certified(next Tuesday), I'll be out working with another girl for a couple of weeks, then I'll be on my own. I took my cousin Rickcal out there about them hiring and she filled out an application and said they'd call her. I hope she gets hired, because she's been looking for work also. I'm really excited about this job,can't ya tell?? hehehe. Not much else going on here, although we're supposed to get more snow tonight, fun! So I'm going to get off of here so until we blog again, hugs & blessed be!!

Ice, Snow and Everything In Between....

2009-01-06T23:33:00.003-05:00

Ice and Snow:
We're under a winter weather advisory until tomorrow sometime. Go figure!! It also came over the television from County 911 that if you didn't have to go out tonight, stay at home because the roads are extremely icy and dangerous. There were already several crashes in the area and that was on the news. Then tomorrow, we're supposed to get between 2-4 inches of snow. I feel bad for Brian, because he has to drive in this crap. He's coming this way from Milwaukee and he'll be here sometime in the morning. Hopefully, the roads won't be too bad for him. He's stopping here because he has to take his 10 hour break and is also relaying his load with someone else and then going back to Wisconsin. I wish spring would get here already...lol

Trip to Wal-Mart:
Yeah, that was a mistake.....the roads were so bad up that way, I just should've stayed home. And luckily, the store wasn't all that busy. I actually found a parking spot near the front of the store. So I think I figured out the best time to go to Wal-Mart. When the roads are shitty and it's late. I bought a pair of jeans, a Valentine's Day t shirt, a couple of Hershey bars, HSM socks for Cheyenne and a few unmentionables lol. My mom had given me a $50 gift card and it came to $53.89 so I only had to pay $3.89 which wasn't bad at all. Well, it's getting late and I need to get off of here. Until be blog again, hugs and blessed be!!

Some Peace Tonight...

2009-01-05T23:57:00.002-05:00

Some Peace Finally:
I got my phone number changed and only the people that need to have it, have it. I called the home health agency back this morning, it's the one that I applied to back in December, and I start classes to become certified on the 12th. The classes are a week long and then I am officially hired. They provide the scrubs which is pretty cool. I'm pretty excited about it, because most of my jobs have been in the medical field and they are willing to train me to become state certified.

My Divorce:
I have decide that I am filing for divorce from Chris. I can't take the bullshit anymore and it would be nice to actually start sleeping again. I just think that it's the best thing to do and just end it instead of dragging out the inevitable,right? And other than that, not much going on here. Cheyenne went home last night because she went back to school today. So until we blog again, hugs and blessed be!!

Sleepless Night, Relationship Issues, Girls' Day Out....

2009-01-02T01:27:00.004-05:00

Sleepless Night:
One word....pain. My back feels like someone is stabbing me in my lower back and I just wish that it would quit hurting so I can attempt to get some sleep tonight. I hate taking pain meds for it, but I had to tonight. That's how bad it hurts me. Also, Cheyenne is having a sleepover tonight and her friend Tea', seems to think that she can stay up all night here. She tried to tell me that her mom lets her stay up all night at home....well not in this house. Then she told me that she'd go home....bye! This child's mother lets her get away with whatever. She has no manners to speak of, uses her sleeve of her shirt to wipe her mouth after she's done eating. I don't get it. And she managed to spill Coke all over my new couch. I was NOT happy about that because it left a HUGE stain on it. I just hope I can get the stain out of it....she could've at least apologized for spilling it, but all she did was laugh and say oh well. Ok.....

Relationship Issues:
Yes, I'm having issues in our relationship. The latest news, or old news should I say, is that my husband is calling me a whore and anything else he can think of. I have NEVER cheated on him, even when we weren't together. But I don't get it. He 'claims' that he loves me and wants to work out our marriage, then he flips a switch and becomes a real asshole. You know what I did for New Year's?? I spent it at home with Cheyenne, my Mom and my Aunt Marty. If you read my last few posts, I had made plans to go to my cousin's for New Year's but after the money 'incident', I decided not to go. And I thought that at least Chris would understand that. I guess not. So he called me 35 times between last night and tonight saying that " I'm nothing but a whore and that he hopes I had fun with the guy that I supposedly slept with last night". Yeah, ok. Just because I didn't go over there last night, that makes me a whore, right? Yeah, imagine that!! And I swear to the Goddess that if he calls me a whore ONE MORE TIME, I will get my phone number changed and I won't give it to him. And people wonder why I'm irritable and stressed out. My HUSBAND of all people is the main cause of my irritability and stress. I just wish he would realize that. I'm tired of being called names and treated like shit. He also said that nothing he does can make me happy? Well why should it?? All he does lately is put me down and make me feel like I'm not worth a damn, so why should I be happy? Maybe if he got a job and kept it, things wouldn't be so bad. But he's not even attempting to look for a job. He'd rather sit on his butt and wait for the jobs to come to him or somethin'.....lol. I'm just tired of waiting for something that I know won't happen. And we can't survive on just my income alone, ya know? I have a hard enough time getting all my bills paid. I need help and I've told him that I need help. He acts like it doesn't bother him and he doesn't care. Well, you know what, as of right now, I don't care either. If he wants to be lazy the rest of his life, then I want no part of it. What more do I have to do to make him realize that I need help? I am literally at my wit's end here....and the really fucked up part is that I still love him, and at the same time, I know that it will never work between us.

Girl's Day Out:
Cheyenne, Aunt Marty & I are going to have a girl's day out tomorrow. Now that is something that I'm looking forward to. We're going out for breakfast, which will be a nice change from cooking every day, ya know? Then, we're going to do a little bit of shopping too. My aunt is staying here with Cheyenne and I tonight, so she'll already be here.

Well, my pain meds are starting to kick my arse, and that means it's time for me to get to bed. So, until we blog again, hugs and blessed be!!

Moody and Irritable.....

2008-12-30T21:33:00.004-05:00

Moody and Irritable:

I went to my cousin's house for dinner tonight and I had some money in my purse to grocery shopping afterwards. Well, after I left, I go in to the store, no fucking money!!! WTF?! I was so pissed off, I wanted to spit nails!! I can't even trust my family, ya know? And I'm on my monthly whatever you wanna call it and that itself makes me moody, so the money issue just added to it. I hope they're happy knowing that they took food from my daughter's mouth and I am good about guilt trips and making people feel guilty for things that they know they did wrong and just won't fess up to it. And I needed to vent somewhere, so this is just as good a place as any. And not many people read my blog, which I guess can be a blessing sometimes...lol.

New Year's Plans:

Well, I DID have plans to go to my cousin's tomorrow night for New Year's, but she done messed up our plans to go there now. Cheyenne was a little disappointed about not being able to go and I tried to explain to her the best I could. I hope she understands why I won't go over there now. So Cheyenne
and I are going to stay at home tomorrow night and stay up til after midnight to ring in the New Year. At least she'll be with me and I won't be alone on New Year's like I usually am. I talked to Marty and we were going to make plans for tomorrow, but she got sick so I decided to go to my cousin's to be with my family, but that didn't work out either. Marty is still sick as far as I know. So, I'm going to get off of here and get ready for bed in a bit. So until we blog again, hugs, blessed be and Happy New Year to all!!

New Theme, New Year's Plans..

2008-12-29T21:30:00.002-05:00

New Theme:
I'm looking for a new theme for my blog. Granted, I love the Christmas theme, but now that Christmas is over, it's time for a new one, don't ya think? I've seen alot of nice ones so far, but none that have really caught my eye. So I got to thinking, that maybe I could try my hand at making my own....yeah like that would happen. I know absolutely squat about XML coding, but I'll give it a try anyways. What's the worst that could happen, right?

New Year's:
Cheyenne and I are going to our cousin's house for a little get together on New Year's Eve. I told Cheyenne that she could stay up past midnight and she was happy about that. Her and her cousin can play together too. At least I won't be alone on New Year's like I have been in past years. I'm still thinking about my resolutions....maybe I'll try to quit smoking and get in better shape this year. Sounds like a plan, huh? Nothing much else going on, so I'm going to get off of here and finish my movie. So until we blog again, hugs and blessed be!

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-26T00:40:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas:

I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year ahead!! Cheyenne had a nice Christmas. Her dad got her a Nintendo DS, I was so thankful that he got it for her, because I was unable to get her everything on her list this year. That was the only thing that I couldn't get. He also got her a Princess Peach carrying case, and 5 games, including Viva Pinata and Bratz. Brian came here this morning to pick her up to take her to my Mom's for dinner, but when he got here, he stayed awhile. Just having someone here to talk to, made me feel better. So he played a couple of games with Cheyenne and then we all went up to my Mom's for dinner. We had a nice dinner up there. Then about 6:30, Cheyenne and I left and went over to Chris's mom's house for Christmas. She made Cheyenne a homemade doll with a dress that had her favorite colors, pink and blue. We ate there too, Debbie made ham and a whole bunch of stuff.

Some Thoughts:
Marty called me today and asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch with her......I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying no, so I told her I would. I just didn't feel like going out tomorrow because it's the day after Christmas, ya know? I know what traffic like around here after Christmas and I want no part of it lol. And when she knows that it will be congested with traffic, she ALWAYS makes me drive. I don't get it. I can't tolerate the assholes out there either. Oh well. I'll just keep my mouth shut and suck it up lol.
Well, I'm about to go to bed, it's been a long day. So until we blog again, hugs, blessed be and Happy Yule!

Court Aftermath, Moving, Random Thoughts, Christmas

2008-12-13T19:48:00.004-05:00

Court Aftermath:
Court didn't go how I thought it would and I'm still scratching my head wondering what the hell just happened here? I thought the judge was going to keep Chris in jail for violating the TPO, nope that didn't happen. Ok but what came out of my mouth next shocked even me. The judge asked me to come up and tell him what exactly what was going on. So I told everything that had happened and even mentioned to good times and when I was happy. Because when I was with him, I was happy. And after he lost his job, we were together 24/7 and you couldn't cut the tension with a knife. And that's when things got bad. Then the judge asked me what I would like him to do, and I told him that I wanted my husband back. So for the next 6 months, we have to go to marriage counseling. So we'll see what happens from there.

Moving:
I am officially moving. Friends of ours are moving out of their apartment and offered it to us. So we're going to try this and see how it goes. $450 a month includes all utilities, which is nice. So next weekend, we're moving in there. Let me tell you, I cannot wait to get the hell out of this house. It's just too much for me anymore, ya know? And it's time to move on and be happy with my family. And once we get settled in our apartment, we're going to have a little house warming party and have some of the family and friends over. I think it will be nice.

Random Thoughts:
Some people have told me that I shouldn't be with him because of our history, but I have never loved a man as much as I love him. I can't deny how I feel and it's so obvious.....lol But everyone is entitled to their opinions right? So other than that, not much going on. Cheyenne is very excited about Christmas coming up. She's bummed that her dad won't be around, but not much I can do about that. If he wants to be an asshole, then I want no part of it. He just needs to get over the fact that we are no longer married and I don't want to be with him. What's really fucked up is that last year, when his Semi(big rig) was having major engine problems and he couldn't get a new truck financed so what he did was this... he went to my dad and asked him to help him get a new truck. Well, my dad told him that the only way he was getting a new truck was if him and I got back together. I thought that he actually wanted to work things out. I was way off. It was just a front so he could get his new fucking truck. I will never forgive him for it. He's done alot of other stupid shit to get what he wanted from my dad. But no more. His good friend (which just happens to be my husband's uncle) is running his mouth thinking that he has something to gain by running his mouth to Brian, who in turn runs his mouth to my dad trying to score brownie points with him...pretending to be a fucking saint. Well I got news for him. He is no saint, nor will he ever be. And what's really fucked up is that I fell for his crap and lied right thru his teeth to me. But whatever, ya know?

Christmas:
I only want 2 things for Christmas this year..... to be with my daughter and husband for the holidays and for Chris and I to be happy without everyone interfering in our relationship. That's all I want and I don't think I'm asking for too much, am I? Speaking of wanting things for Christmas, when Cheyenne went to see Santa a few weeks ago, she had this HUGE ass list of what she wanted. It was priceless! Most of the stuff she wants is relatively inexpensive. Some of the things she wants is Moon Sand, anything HSM 3 or Hannah Montana, stuff like that. So Chris and I are going to do our damnest to make sure she has a nice Christmas. That's the most important thing, ya know? It's getting late and Cheyenne is done watching her movie, so we're going to bed now...lol. So until we blog again....hugs and blessed be!

Warmer Weather Coming, Countdown, Christmas

2008-12-08T23:18:00.006-05:00

Warmer Weather Coming:
Tomorrow, it's supposed to be near 45 degrees. And then right back to the cold weather on Wednesday, how nice. It's crazy that it's not even winter yet and we're getting hammered with all this snow and bitter cold. Cheyenne loves this weather and she hates wearing a hat and gloves when it's cold. So I told her that she needs to wear gloves and to at least wear a head wrap that will keep her ears warm. So she agreed to wear that when she's outside.

Countdown:
3 days to go....I'm sure you're wondering what I'm counting down to. My court date is on Thursday, where I have to testify against my husband. I've seen him a few times in the past few weeks. And I'm doing exactly what I shouldn't be doing and that's seeing him. The courts are telling me that I can't see him. Now granted, when the judge issued the protection order I was wishing the judge would have locked him up right then and there because I was pissed off, hurt, betrayed. I think you get the picture here. Honestly, he is the only person that 'gets' me and understands me. I love him whole heartedly. When we're together, we're genuinely happy. And when I'd be afraid of how good things were going, I'd get scared and take off and that would cause arguments between us and that was my own fault...lol It's a long story about how all this came about and right now, only my family and close friends know what's going on and I'd like to keep it that way and I ask that you respect that. I called the courthouse and asked if the charges against could be dropped and they told me no. But if I don't show up for court they may drop them anyways. But regardless of how this turns out, he's going to jail for at least 60 days. And I know there's no way around it. Can I go 60 days without seeing him? Guess we'll see.....

Christmas Vacation:
Cheyenne's last day of school is the 23rd. She doesn't go back to school until January 5th. She's so excited about being on break from school. I'm going to let Cheyenne spend Christmas with her Dad this year, and I don't want her to be disappointed. Not much of a vacation for me....lol Just kidding. Well, it's getting late and I need to get some sleep. So until we blog again.....hugs & blessed be!

Snow, Bitter Cold,etc....

2008-12-07T22:31:00.002-05:00

Snow:
Between yesterday and today, we got 7 inches of snow here. My mom, who happens to live in the snowbelt, got 11 inches over night. Cheyenne absolutely loved it....I promised her that we would have a snowball fight as soon as it quit snowing and we did. She was bent over and I ended up throwing the snowball at her butt. It was funny! But she got me too and we had alot of fun. My mom came down around 2 and picked her up before the roads got bad tonight.

Bitter Cold:
The highest that it got today was 18 degrees. Right now it's 14 degrees. I'm just hoping that the pipes don't freeze. And my furnace is acting up and it pretty much has a mind of its own right now lol.
Other than that, not much else going on....just sitting here watching P.S. I Love You. So, until we blog again, hugs & blessed be!

Friends, Family,Christmas Cards,etc...

2008-12-04T23:59:00.003-05:00

I've been sitting here thinking about everything that has happened tonight. I really regret getting the restraining order against Chris dismissed because if I hadn't I wouldn't be sitting here worried about whether or not he'll come here. And hearing my mom tell me 'I told you so' doesn't help either. Ok, so she was right about him. She said he would just hurt me again. And I don't need anyone else to tell me that either. Hearing it from my mother is enough trust me. I guess I just wanted to believe that he loved me and that he changed. And there's no point in me sulking about it because that won't change my mind about him.

My friends have been just wonderful through all of this. My good friend, Marty, even though she's going through her mom's passing right now, we're there for each other no matter what. She's one person that I have always trusted and could count on to be there for me when something would go wrong in my fucked up life. She even told me not to get back together with Chris and I chose not to listen to her because I thought I 'loved' him. Blah blah blah!

I've counted up how many Christmas cards I'll be sending out this year.... 116!! I can't believe it. I have never sent out that many cards ever! But that includes family and friends. I still haven't put up and Christmas decorations yet. I'm just not ready for Christmas yet lol. Cheyenne is supposed to come home this weekend and help me with the tree....she said she wanted to help, but we'll see. I hope that this will be a good Christmas...just in general. I'm tired of having a shitty Christmas year after year and something has got to give. And I thought Cheyenne's dad was going to Florida for the holidays but turns out that he wants to spend Christmas with us. I haven't given him a definite answer on that yet. I know that Cheyenne wants him here, so we'll see how it goes. So until we blog again....hugs & blessed be!

Flipped A Switch...

2008-12-04T21:20:00.002-05:00

I don't know how else to describe what happened to Chris today. Everything was going fine and then he just snapped and started acting like an asshole towards me. And I told him that if he was going to act like this again, then I was leaving and going home. He hit me in the back of the head and called me a whore among other words and well, in the process, he took my MP3 player out of the jeep and refuses to give it back. When I got home, I called Brookfield police and they issued a warrant for his arrest AGAIN for theft and domestic violence. So he's going back to jail. I should have known that he was up to something and just when I thought I could trust him, he goes all psycho on me and has me terrified again. Yeah, this is exactly what I wanted...NOT! I was completely blindsided by this..... To all my friends, thank you for the support through all of this. Until we blog again...hugs & blessed be!

Some Random Thoughts

2008-12-04T01:38:00.002-05:00

In case you're wondering why I blog alot late at night is because I have trouble sleeping sometimes. And when I blog, it makes me tired and then I can go to sleep.

I'm going to see my husband tomorrow. I'm hoping that he'll want to stay here with me too. I asked him about it earlier, but he didn't say too much about it. It's just messed up that we have to sneak around to see each other because of people interfering and being nosy. We shouldn't have to do that. My mother is adamant about not wanting me to see my husband. But if she could just understand how I feel about him. Nothing and no one can keep us apart. It's just not my side of the family. His cousin blatantly lies to him saying how she saw me with one of his friends and that I left her house with him. I haven't talked or gone to her house since July. But she's a two faced bitch that has nothing to gain by running her mouth and Chris if finally seeing how she is. She needs to act like a mother to her child before Children Services takes her kid off of her because the child's dad molested the child and she acts like nothing is wrong and lets that man in her house!! There would be no way that I would tolerate that and he would be gone if it was me. And she keeps telling her daughter to quit lying and that she's just making it up. What 5 year old child would make up that kind of stuff?! And she has told 3 different doctors the exact same thing. No inconsistencies in her story what so ever. And I believe the kid. And this dipshit of a man even has child rape charges pending in another county. So WTF???? IMO, some people just shouldn't have kids. That child would be better off by any means. I feel so bad for her that her own mother doesn't believe her. Maybe if she got off her lazy butt and quit smoking god knows what...just sayin'.

Well, it's almost 2am and I need to get some sleep! Until we blog again....
Hugs & blessed be!

Some Bad News, Upcoming Surgery....

2008-12-03T20:11:00.004-05:00

Marty called me at 4:54 with some bad news....her mother passed away. She had been in ICU for 2 weeks now and her blood pressure bottomed out and the medication that they had been giving her, just weren't working. I just had a bad feeling about today. I told her that I would come out tonight and she told me to just stay home since I wasn't feeling good. I wanted to be there for her and also to make sure that she wasn't going to be alone. She assured me that she wasn't alone. But first thing in the morning, I'm going over that way.

I'm having foot surgery next Wednesday (10th). I have a bone spur on the bottom of my foot and I'm so not looking forward to it. The doctor is going to cut a piece of my bone out and is going to put a screw in my foot to keep the bone together. It sounds painful huh? Yeah, that's what I said. And also I will set off the metal detectors in stores, etc after the surgery too. Fun! And I have court on the 11th. I'm hoping that they will postpone it until my foot heals because I'm going to be so drugged up, I'll be laughing at myself lol.

I could name a handful of people that don't my husband and I to be together because of our history. Granted, our past wasn't always bad...there were more good times than bad. But when it was bad, it felt like I was in hell. But I love him more than I have ever loved anyone that I had been with in the past. And if both of our families would just quit interfering, we would be okay. That's why we want to get our own place so we can show them that we can make it. I have a job and he just got a job so we are trying to make it. So why can't they just support us?? Ya know, he doesn't sit on his ass all day and play video games, and we go out and do stuff together which is a huge plus. I don't mind the video games, but when you're playing them all day and night, that's just insane. He takes care of me when I'm sick.
Back in March, we were at his cousin's, my friend, GeorgeAnne's. And I had some extra money so I decided that we were going to drink that night at her house. So we went to the liquor store and got Jager, Black Velvet and Southern Comfort. I was drinking the SoCo, did shots of Jager and Black Velvet. The next morning I thought I was going to die. When I was in the bathroom kneeling to the porcelain god, he held my hair out of my face for me. Even though it wasn't the most romantic time, it was nice to have him there with me. He even laid down with me and kept me warm. He is more romantic than people think he is. All his friends think he is real tough, but I've seen him cry and get down on his knees and beg.

So that's about it for now. Until we blog again my friends,
much love and blessed be!

Change...

2008-12-02T20:29:00.002-05:00

Since Christmas is coming, I found the perfect blog theme. When I saw it, I immediately fell in love with it. I'm working on getting the links section back up. I have to hunt them all down again. So if you stop by, leave your mark, k?

Alot On My Mind Tonight

2008-12-02T03:16:00.004-05:00

My husband Chris, whom I thought was soon to be my ex husband, is on my mind tonight. In my last post when I spoke of 'him' it was Chris. Him and I are both Leo's. And we are both very head strong and stubborn. Yes, I'm stubborn. But I love him more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I love him as much as I love Cheyenne. Ok, this may sound a little cheesy or whatever you wanna call it, but a little while back, I went to an astrology site and researched our horoscopes and some insight on our relationship. What I read left me speechless. You can read it here and here. It pretty much says that the red hot passion between us is unstoppable. That couldn't be more true. I showed it to Chris and not 2 days before that, he said the exact same thing. We've had some bad times, but there's also been alot of good times together. We haven't always argued. When he sat here beside me and poured his heart out to me Saturday night, I finally understood how he felt and where exactly I stood with him. And he is my husband after all and I'm supposed to support him and stand beside him and I haven't been doing that. Our last argument didn't end so well. That was on October 20. We started talking again at 3am Tuesday morning last week. He has always had my heart. I just didn't want to admit it to myself or anybody else. I was afraid that if I gave my heart away, he would just shatter it like the rest. And to a point, he did. But doing so has made me a stronger person and he's the only person that I want to have it.

On another note, we are apartment hunting. We're trying to find something close to where I'll be working so driving won't kill me every day. A friend of Chris's uncle has a house that he'll sell on a land contract. We haven't seen the inside of the house yet, but the outside doesn't look all that bad. I don't think we're going to get one until after the holidays because with Christmas coming up, I don't want to have to move during all that too.

A Nice Day

2008-12-01T23:35:00.002-05:00

Today was a good day. Cheyenne stayed the night here with me last night and we had fun watching movies and playing a game with her on the XBox 360. Her school had a "No School Skate Party" today at the skating rink and I was supposed to take her and luckily my mom said she would take her because it completely slipped my mind that I had a job interview this afternoon at 1 at a home health agency. I'm really hopeful about the job. The interview went well. But unfortunately, I have to wait until January to start HHA certification classes because the home health job that I had while I lived in Florida went out of business just before I moved back up here and my work experience can't be verified so I have to take the classes. But at least I will be state certified and January isn't that far off, ya know? And they offer health insurance after 30 days of employment which will be wonderful. And after I got back from my interview, I called Cheyenne to ask her if she had fun and she said she had a blast! I was happy.

I saw 'him' today. And those that are close friends of mine, you know who 'he' is. We spent some time together and we came back to my house and watched 'Meet The Spartans'. That movie was so funny. I about died laughing lol.
Then it started to snow, so he offered to drive back to his house before the roads got too bad, and I thought it was nice of him to offer. Me personally, I hate driving in the snow. There's about 2 inches on the ground right now, with more snow coming tomorrow. When I was a kid, I used to love the snow and now I can't stand it. It's just too bloody cold outside, ya know? But that's about it for today.
So, until we blog again....much love and blessed be!

Mama Drama, Romance....

2008-11-30T15:52:00.004-05:00

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I don't still love my husband. And yes, I am still very much in love with him. Let's just say that my eyes are open and I'm seeing things very clearly, more so than I have in a long time. He's like an addiction and he is my drug. He poured his heart and soul out to me last night and it left me in tears. I was floored because he told me how he truly felt about me and and I was speechless. And at that moment, I fell in love with him all over again. He and I could make the world jealous lol. I know that when I look at him, nothing else around me matters except us at that moment. He told me that when he was with his previous girlfriends, that he wouldn't fight for them, but with me, he said he would fight for what he loves and wants. And I'm not a fighter either, and I will fight for what I love though. And no one can tell me otherwise. And people have told me that it would never work between us because we're both Leos. It couldn't feel more right between us. If you saw the way we looked at each other, you'd know.......

Cheyenne decided that she wanted to stay the night with me tonight. I'm just glad that she didn't give me an attitude about bed time. Because the other night, she wanted to give up the attitude because I told her that she wasn't staying up all night. Umm..hello! She's only 9, not 16. And she didn't like that too well. So she told me that Nana lets her stay up until whenever on the weekends up there. Well, I nipped that in the bud and that's the end of that. On another note, I can't believe how much she's growing up. She's not my little girl anymore. I'm just so proud of her because she's getting good grades in school and she's just a friendly person and can make friends easily.

I'm thinking about putting up Christmas lights outside. I have some blue lights that I want to use. I think the blue would look nice since the house is white. And it's crazy that tomorrow is December 1st. Where did November go?! This year has just gone by way too fast for me. Slow down dammit!! lol. Well, I'm going to go see what my child is getting into...hopefully she's watching cartoons *knock on wood*
Until we blog again...
)0(Blessed Be)0(

Whew!!

2008-11-28T13:20:00.002-05:00

I am so glad that Thanksgiving is over with! I had a nice Thanksgiving, just hectic lol. I went over to my mom's Wednesday night to help her out with the cooking for yesterday. We had turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoes, and cranberry sauce. We also had pumpkin pie, but I was too stuffed to eat some. My mom brought some pie down for me today and dropped off Cheyenne for the weekend. But she didn't stay here long though. She called her friend Tea' and went up there to play with her. So I have the house all to myself....

A friend of mine and I went to go see Twilight Wednesday afternoon. OMG I LOVED THAT MOVIE!! He is soooooooooooo hunky lol! I can't wait for the next one to come out. It's even better than the book imo. So we had a real nice time at the movies and I'm supposed to go see him later today. So that's about it for now.
Until we blog again.....
xoxoxo & Blessed Be

What Is Up?!

2008-11-25T02:20:00.002-05:00

With this crazy weather?! Last week and weekend, it was freezing cold, and snowing..Not it's almost 40 degrees outside. No wonder people are getting sick with this funky weather that we're having. It's crazy.

My mom & I took Cheyenne to see Santa after school today. She gave him her list..she was so excited. I took pictures on my cell phone because I was NOT paying $20 for ONE picture. That's insane. And besides, the ones I took on the phone look just as good as their pictures. She's really looking forward to Christmas and I'm glad. I want her to have a nice Christmas, ya know?
Well, it's late and I need to get some sleep!

Crappy Day...

2008-11-23T17:16:00.001-05:00

Today started out okay....but then Cheyenne got upset at me when she asked me to take her to go see Santa. I tried to explain to her that Santa wasn't at the mall yet and then she told me that she didn't believe in Sana Claus and she didn't want anything for Christmas. I was heartbroken. I didn't know what to say. I felt so bad. I tried to tell her that I would take her to see him once he got there this next weekend. But that wasn't a good enough answer. So I don't know what to do. Any suggestions??

New Tag Board,etc...

2008-11-21T22:12:00.003-05:00

I think I finally got the tag board code figured out and have it close to where I want it to be on my blog. What a PITA it was to paste the code into the existing html code. It's been so long since I've worked with html and css coding. But I think I'll get the hang of it again.

Cheyenne was going to spend the night at her friend's house, but she called me and wanted to come home. She said that spending time with me was more important than being at her friend's because she only gets to see me on the weekends. I thought that was so sweet of her to come home because she wanted to be with me. And I asked her if that was what she wanted and that I wouldn't be mad if she wanted to stay at her friend's and she said that was what she wanted, so I didn't argue the point. I left it alone.

I got some disheartening news tonight too. My good friend Marty called me back a little while ago to tell me how her mother was doing. There's been no change, but the doctors think that she has congestive heart failure and they have her on Lasix and a whole bunch of meds that even I can't pronounce. I just hope and pray that she makes it. I told Marty that I am here for her and if anything changes with her mom, for her to call me no matter what time and I'll be there. Marty has always been there for me and I can't even count how many times she has saved my ass or she has helped me find my way. And that wouldn't be fair of me to not be there for her after all she has done for me & Cheyenne. Cheyenne is like her granddaughter and treats her like she's her own. I just wish I could do something more to comfort her, but I know I can't do much else but be there for her.

And will it quit snowing already?!?!? My goodness, we're up to 9 inches here already. And the lake effect snow advisory is in affect until tomorrow sometime. My mom has about a foot of snow up by where she lives. Granted, a little bit of snow isn't too bad, but enough is enough already....lol
Cheyenne is loving the snow. She wants it to snow more...go figure. I'm glad that I have a 4wd vehicle and it handles pretty good in the snow too.

Until we blog again....

Snow Day!!

2008-11-21T16:49:00.002-05:00

Cheyenne was happy that school was cancelled. First school was going to be delayed 2 hours because of the snow we got, then they decided to cancel school altogether. So I picked her up at my mom's and we came back home here. She played out in the snow for about 20 minutes or so, and came in and she was freezing...poor little thing, her face was so red. I made her some hot cocoa to warm her up.

We were supposed to spend the weekend at my good friend Marty's place, but she called me earlier to let me know that she wouldn't be in this weekend. Her mom was admitted to the hospital today. Her arms and legs were swollen, low blood pressure and her legs were also a purple color. So please keep her in your thoughts. Cheyenne was kind of bummed out because she couldn't stay with Marty, but she understand. Marty is like a grandma to Cheyenne.

So tonight sounds like a good night to just stay home and watch movies and have some popcorn with my daughter.....ttyl