Moody and Irritable.....

Moody and Irritable:

I went to my cousin's house for dinner tonight and I had some money in my purse to grocery shopping afterwards. Well, after I left, I go in to the store, no fucking money!!! WTF?! I was so pissed off, I wanted to spit nails!! I can't even trust my family, ya know? And I'm on my monthly whatever you wanna call it and that itself makes me moody, so the money issue just added to it. I hope they're happy knowing that they took food from my daughter's mouth and I am good about guilt trips and making people feel guilty for things that they know they did wrong and just won't fess up to it. And I needed to vent somewhere, so this is just as good a place as any. And not many people read my blog, which I guess can be a blessing sometimes...lol.

New Year's Plans:

Well, I DID have plans to go to my cousin's tomorrow night for New Year's, but she done messed up our plans to go there now. Cheyenne was a little disappointed about not being able to go and I tried to explain to her the best I could. I hope she understands why I won't go over there now. So Cheyenne
and I are going to stay at home tomorrow night and stay up til after midnight to ring in the New Year. At least she'll be with me and I won't be alone on New Year's like I usually am. I talked to Marty and we were going to make plans for tomorrow, but she got sick so I decided to go to my cousin's to be with my family, but that didn't work out either. Marty is still sick as far as I know. So, I'm going to get off of here and get ready for bed in a bit. So until we blog again, hugs, blessed be and Happy New Year to all!!

New Theme, New Year's Plans..

New Theme:
I'm looking for a new theme for my blog. Granted, I love the Christmas theme, but now that Christmas is over, it's time for a new one, don't ya think? I've seen alot of nice ones so far, but none that have really caught my eye. So I got to thinking, that maybe I could try my hand at making my own....yeah like that would happen. I know absolutely squat about XML coding, but I'll give it a try anyways. What's the worst that could happen, right?

New Year's:
Cheyenne and I are going to our cousin's house for a little get together on New Year's Eve. I told Cheyenne that she could stay up past midnight and she was happy about that. Her and her cousin can play together too. At least I won't be alone on New Year's like I have been in past years. I'm still thinking about my resolutions....maybe I'll try to quit smoking and get in better shape this year. Sounds like a plan, huh? Nothing much else going on, so I'm going to get off of here and finish my movie. So until we blog again, hugs and blessed be!

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas:

I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year ahead!! Cheyenne had a nice Christmas. Her dad got her a Nintendo DS, I was so thankful that he got it for her, because I was unable to get her everything on her list this year. That was the only thing that I couldn't get. He also got her a Princess Peach carrying case, and 5 games, including Viva Pinata and Bratz. Brian came here this morning to pick her up to take her to my Mom's for dinner, but when he got here, he stayed awhile. Just having someone here to talk to, made me feel better. So he played a couple of games with Cheyenne and then we all went up to my Mom's for dinner. We had a nice dinner up there. Then about 6:30, Cheyenne and I left and went over to Chris's mom's house for Christmas. She made Cheyenne a homemade doll with a dress that had her favorite colors, pink and blue. We ate there too, Debbie made ham and a whole bunch of stuff.

Some Thoughts:
Marty called me today and asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch with her......I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying no, so I told her I would. I just didn't feel like going out tomorrow because it's the day after Christmas, ya know? I know what traffic like around here after Christmas and I want no part of it lol. And when she knows that it will be congested with traffic, she ALWAYS makes me drive. I don't get it. I can't tolerate the assholes out there either. Oh well. I'll just keep my mouth shut and suck it up lol.
Well, I'm about to go to bed, it's been a long day. So until we blog again, hugs, blessed be and Happy Yule!

Court Aftermath, Moving, Random Thoughts, Christmas

Court Aftermath:
Court didn't go how I thought it would and I'm still scratching my head wondering what the hell just happened here? I thought the judge was going to keep Chris in jail for violating the TPO, nope that didn't happen. Ok but what came out of my mouth next shocked even me. The judge asked me to come up and tell him what exactly what was going on. So I told everything that had happened and even mentioned to good times and when I was happy. Because when I was with him, I was happy. And after he lost his job, we were together 24/7 and you couldn't cut the tension with a knife. And that's when things got bad. Then the judge asked me what I would like him to do, and I told him that I wanted my husband back. So for the next 6 months, we have to go to marriage counseling. So we'll see what happens from there.

Moving:
I am officially moving. Friends of ours are moving out of their apartment and offered it to us. So we're going to try this and see how it goes. $450 a month includes all utilities, which is nice. So next weekend, we're moving in there. Let me tell you, I cannot wait to get the hell out of this house. It's just too much for me anymore, ya know? And it's time to move on and be happy with my family. And once we get settled in our apartment, we're going to have a little house warming party and have some of the family and friends over. I think it will be nice.

Random Thoughts:
Some people have told me that I shouldn't be with him because of our history, but I have never loved a man as much as I love him. I can't deny how I feel and it's so obvious.....lol But everyone is entitled to their opinions right? So other than that, not much going on. Cheyenne is very excited about Christmas coming up. She's bummed that her dad won't be around, but not much I can do about that. If he wants to be an asshole, then I want no part of it. He just needs to get over the fact that we are no longer married and I don't want to be with him. What's really fucked up is that last year, when his Semi(big rig) was having major engine problems and he couldn't get a new truck financed so what he did was this... he went to my dad and asked him to help him get a new truck. Well, my dad told him that the only way he was getting a new truck was if him and I got back together. I thought that he actually wanted to work things out. I was way off. It was just a front so he could get his new fucking truck. I will never forgive him for it. He's done alot of other stupid shit to get what he wanted from my dad. But no more. His good friend (which just happens to be my husband's uncle) is running his mouth thinking that he has something to gain by running his mouth to Brian, who in turn runs his mouth to my dad trying to score brownie points with him...pretending to be a fucking saint. Well I got news for him. He is no saint, nor will he ever be. And what's really fucked up is that I fell for his crap and lied right thru his teeth to me. But whatever, ya know?

Christmas:
I only want 2 things for Christmas this year..... to be with my daughter and husband for the holidays and for Chris and I to be happy without everyone interfering in our relationship. That's all I want and I don't think I'm asking for too much, am I? Speaking of wanting things for Christmas, when Cheyenne went to see Santa a few weeks ago, she had this HUGE ass list of what she wanted. It was priceless! Most of the stuff she wants is relatively inexpensive. Some of the things she wants is Moon Sand, anything HSM 3 or Hannah Montana, stuff like that. So Chris and I are going to do our damnest to make sure she has a nice Christmas. That's the most important thing, ya know? It's getting late and Cheyenne is done watching her movie, so we're going to bed now...lol. So until we blog again....hugs and blessed be!

Warmer Weather Coming, Countdown, Christmas

Warmer Weather Coming:
Tomorrow, it's supposed to be near 45 degrees. And then right back to the cold weather on Wednesday, how nice. It's crazy that it's not even winter yet and we're getting hammered with all this snow and bitter cold. Cheyenne loves this weather and she hates wearing a hat and gloves when it's cold. So I told her that she needs to wear gloves and to at least wear a head wrap that will keep her ears warm. So she agreed to wear that when she's outside.



Countdown:
3 days to go....I'm sure you're wondering what I'm counting down to. My court date is on Thursday, where I have to testify against my husband. I've seen him a few times in the past few weeks. And I'm doing exactly what I shouldn't be doing and that's seeing him. The courts are telling me that I can't see him. Now granted, when the judge issued the protection order I was wishing the judge would have locked him up right then and there because I was pissed off, hurt, betrayed. I think you get the picture here. Honestly, he is the only person that 'gets' me and understands me. I love him whole heartedly. When we're together, we're genuinely happy. And when I'd be afraid of how good things were going, I'd get scared and take off and that would cause arguments between us and that was my own fault...lol It's a long story about how all this came about and right now, only my family and close friends know what's going on and I'd like to keep it that way and I ask that you respect that. I called the courthouse and asked if the charges against could be dropped and they told me no. But if I don't show up for court they may drop them anyways. But regardless of how this turns out, he's going to jail for at least 60 days. And I know there's no way around it. Can I go 60 days without seeing him? Guess we'll see.....



Christmas Vacation:
Cheyenne's last day of school is the 23rd. She doesn't go back to school until January 5th. She's so excited about being on break from school. I'm going to let Cheyenne spend Christmas with her Dad this year, and I don't want her to be disappointed. Not much of a vacation for me....lol Just kidding. Well, it's getting late and I need to get some sleep. So until we blog again.....hugs & blessed be!

Snow, Bitter Cold,etc....

Snow:
Between yesterday and today, we got 7 inches of snow here. My mom, who happens to live in the snowbelt, got 11 inches over night. Cheyenne absolutely loved it....I promised her that we would have a snowball fight as soon as it quit snowing and we did. She was bent over and I ended up throwing the snowball at her butt. It was funny! But she got me too and we had alot of fun. My mom came down around 2 and picked her up before the roads got bad tonight.

Bitter Cold:
The highest that it got today was 18 degrees. Right now it's 14 degrees. I'm just hoping that the pipes don't freeze. And my furnace is acting up and it pretty much has a mind of its own right now lol.
Other than that, not much else going on....just sitting here watching P.S. I Love You. So, until we blog again, hugs & blessed be!

Friends, Family,Christmas Cards,etc...

I've been sitting here thinking about everything that has happened tonight. I really regret getting the restraining order against Chris dismissed because if I hadn't I wouldn't be sitting here worried about whether or not he'll come here. And hearing my mom tell me 'I told you so' doesn't help either. Ok, so she was right about him. She said he would just hurt me again. And I don't need anyone else to tell me that either. Hearing it from my mother is enough trust me. I guess I just wanted to believe that he loved me and that he changed. And there's no point in me sulking about it because that won't change my mind about him.

My friends have been just wonderful through all of this. My good friend, Marty, even though she's going through her mom's passing right now, we're there for each other no matter what. She's one person that I have always trusted and could count on to be there for me when something would go wrong in my fucked up life. She even told me not to get back together with Chris and I chose not to listen to her because I thought I 'loved' him. Blah blah blah!

I've counted up how many Christmas cards I'll be sending out this year.... 116!! I can't believe it. I have never sent out that many cards ever! But that includes family and friends. I still haven't put up and Christmas decorations yet. I'm just not ready for Christmas yet lol. Cheyenne is supposed to come home this weekend and help me with the tree....she said she wanted to help, but we'll see. I hope that this will be a good Christmas...just in general. I'm tired of having a shitty Christmas year after year and something has got to give. And I thought Cheyenne's dad was going to Florida for the holidays but turns out that he wants to spend Christmas with us. I haven't given him a definite answer on that yet. I know that Cheyenne wants him here, so we'll see how it goes. So until we blog again....hugs & blessed be!

Flipped A Switch...

I don't know how else to describe what happened to Chris today. Everything was going fine and then he just snapped and started acting like an asshole towards me. And I told him that if he was going to act like this again, then I was leaving and going home. He hit me in the back of the head and called me a whore among other words and well, in the process, he took my MP3 player out of the jeep and refuses to give it back. When I got home, I called Brookfield police and they issued a warrant for his arrest AGAIN for theft and domestic violence. So he's going back to jail. I should have known that he was up to something and just when I thought I could trust him, he goes all psycho on me and has me terrified again. Yeah, this is exactly what I wanted...NOT! I was completely blindsided by this..... To all my friends, thank you for the support through all of this. Until we blog again...hugs & blessed be!

Some Random Thoughts

In case you're wondering why I blog alot late at night is because I have trouble sleeping sometimes. And when I blog, it makes me tired and then I can go to sleep.

I'm going to see my husband tomorrow. I'm hoping that he'll want to stay here with me too. I asked him about it earlier, but he didn't say too much about it. It's just messed up that we have to sneak around to see each other because of people interfering and being nosy. We shouldn't have to do that. My mother is adamant about not wanting me to see my husband. But if she could just understand how I feel about him. Nothing and no one can keep us apart. It's just not my side of the family. His cousin blatantly lies to him saying how she saw me with one of his friends and that I left her house with him. I haven't talked or gone to her house since July. But she's a two faced bitch that has nothing to gain by running her mouth and Chris if finally seeing how she is. She needs to act like a mother to her child before Children Services takes her kid off of her because the child's dad molested the child and she acts like nothing is wrong and lets that man in her house!! There would be no way that I would tolerate that and he would be gone if it was me. And she keeps telling her daughter to quit lying and that she's just making it up. What 5 year old child would make up that kind of stuff?! And she has told 3 different doctors the exact same thing. No inconsistencies in her story what so ever. And I believe the kid. And this dipshit of a man even has child rape charges pending in another county. So WTF???? IMO, some people just shouldn't have kids. That child would be better off by any means. I feel so bad for her that her own mother doesn't believe her. Maybe if she got off her lazy butt and quit smoking god knows what...just sayin'.

Well, it's almost 2am and I need to get some sleep! Until we blog again....
Hugs & blessed be!

Some Bad News, Upcoming Surgery....

Marty called me at 4:54 with some bad news....her mother passed away. She had been in ICU for 2 weeks now and her blood pressure bottomed out and the medication that they had been giving her, just weren't working. I just had a bad feeling about today. I told her that I would come out tonight and she told me to just stay home since I wasn't feeling good. I wanted to be there for her and also to make sure that she wasn't going to be alone. She assured me that she wasn't alone. But first thing in the morning, I'm going over that way.



I'm having foot surgery next Wednesday (10th). I have a bone spur on the bottom of my foot and I'm so not looking forward to it. The doctor is going to cut a piece of my bone out and is going to put a screw in my foot to keep the bone together. It sounds painful huh? Yeah, that's what I said. And also I will set off the metal detectors in stores, etc after the surgery too. Fun! And I have court on the 11th. I'm hoping that they will postpone it until my foot heals because I'm going to be so drugged up, I'll be laughing at myself lol.



I could name a handful of people that don't my husband and I to be together because of our history. Granted, our past wasn't always bad...there were more good times than bad. But when it was bad, it felt like I was in hell. But I love him more than I have ever loved anyone that I had been with in the past. And if both of our families would just quit interfering, we would be okay. That's why we want to get our own place so we can show them that we can make it. I have a job and he just got a job so we are trying to make it. So why can't they just support us?? Ya know, he doesn't sit on his ass all day and play video games, and we go out and do stuff together which is a huge plus. I don't mind the video games, but when you're playing them all day and night, that's just insane. He takes care of me when I'm sick.
Back in March, we were at his cousin's, my friend, GeorgeAnne's. And I had some extra money so I decided that we were going to drink that night at her house. So we went to the liquor store and got Jager, Black Velvet and Southern Comfort. I was drinking the SoCo, did shots of Jager and Black Velvet. The next morning I thought I was going to die. When I was in the bathroom kneeling to the porcelain god, he held my hair out of my face for me. Even though it wasn't the most romantic time, it was nice to have him there with me. He even laid down with me and kept me warm. He is more romantic than people think he is. All his friends think he is real tough, but I've seen him cry and get down on his knees and beg.

So that's about it for now. Until we blog again my friends,
much love and blessed be!

Change...

Since Christmas is coming, I found the perfect blog theme. When I saw it, I immediately fell in love with it. I'm working on getting the links section back up. I have to hunt them all down again. So if you stop by, leave your mark, k?

Alot On My Mind Tonight

My husband Chris, whom I thought was soon to be my ex husband, is on my mind tonight. In my last post when I spoke of 'him' it was Chris. Him and I are both Leo's. And we are both very head strong and stubborn. Yes, I'm stubborn. But I love him more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I love him as much as I love Cheyenne. Ok, this may sound a little cheesy or whatever you wanna call it, but a little while back, I went to an astrology site and researched our horoscopes and some insight on our relationship. What I read left me speechless. You can read it here and here. It pretty much says that the red hot passion between us is unstoppable. That couldn't be more true. I showed it to Chris and not 2 days before that, he said the exact same thing. We've had some bad times, but there's also been alot of good times together. We haven't always argued. When he sat here beside me and poured his heart out to me Saturday night, I finally understood how he felt and where exactly I stood with him. And he is my husband after all and I'm supposed to support him and stand beside him and I haven't been doing that. Our last argument didn't end so well. That was on October 20. We started talking again at 3am Tuesday morning last week. He has always had my heart. I just didn't want to admit it to myself or anybody else. I was afraid that if I gave my heart away, he would just shatter it like the rest. And to a point, he did. But doing so has made me a stronger person and he's the only person that I want to have it.

On another note, we are apartment hunting. We're trying to find something close to where I'll be working so driving won't kill me every day. A friend of Chris's uncle has a house that he'll sell on a land contract. We haven't seen the inside of the house yet, but the outside doesn't look all that bad. I don't think we're going to get one until after the holidays because with Christmas coming up, I don't want to have to move during all that too.

A Nice Day

Today was a good day. Cheyenne stayed the night here with me last night and we had fun watching movies and playing a game with her on the XBox 360. Her school had a "No School Skate Party" today at the skating rink and I was supposed to take her and luckily my mom said she would take her because it completely slipped my mind that I had a job interview this afternoon at 1 at a home health agency. I'm really hopeful about the job. The interview went well. But unfortunately, I have to wait until January to start HHA certification classes because the home health job that I had while I lived in Florida went out of business just before I moved back up here and my work experience can't be verified so I have to take the classes. But at least I will be state certified and January isn't that far off, ya know? And they offer health insurance after 30 days of employment which will be wonderful. And after I got back from my interview, I called Cheyenne to ask her if she had fun and she said she had a blast! I was happy.

I saw 'him' today. And those that are close friends of mine, you know who 'he' is. We spent some time together and we came back to my house and watched 'Meet The Spartans'. That movie was so funny. I about died laughing lol.
Then it started to snow, so he offered to drive back to his house before the roads got too bad, and I thought it was nice of him to offer. Me personally, I hate driving in the snow. There's about 2 inches on the ground right now, with more snow coming tomorrow. When I was a kid, I used to love the snow and now I can't stand it. It's just too bloody cold outside, ya know? But that's about it for today.
So, until we blog again....much love and blessed be!

Mama Drama, Romance....

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I don't still love my husband. And yes, I am still very much in love with him. Let's just say that my eyes are open and I'm seeing things very clearly, more so than I have in a long time. He's like an addiction and he is my drug. He poured his heart and soul out to me last night and it left me in tears. I was floored because he told me how he truly felt about me and and I was speechless. And at that moment, I fell in love with him all over again. He and I could make the world jealous lol. I know that when I look at him, nothing else around me matters except us at that moment. He told me that when he was with his previous girlfriends, that he wouldn't fight for them, but with me, he said he would fight for what he loves and wants. And I'm not a fighter either, and I will fight for what I love though. And no one can tell me otherwise. And people have told me that it would never work between us because we're both Leos. It couldn't feel more right between us. If you saw the way we looked at each other, you'd know.......

Cheyenne decided that she wanted to stay the night with me tonight. I'm just glad that she didn't give me an attitude about bed time. Because the other night, she wanted to give up the attitude because I told her that she wasn't staying up all night. Umm..hello! She's only 9, not 16. And she didn't like that too well. So she told me that Nana lets her stay up until whenever on the weekends up there. Well, I nipped that in the bud and that's the end of that. On another note, I can't believe how much she's growing up. She's not my little girl anymore. I'm just so proud of her because she's getting good grades in school and she's just a friendly person and can make friends easily.

I'm thinking about putting up Christmas lights outside. I have some blue lights that I want to use. I think the blue would look nice since the house is white. And it's crazy that tomorrow is December 1st. Where did November go?! This year has just gone by way too fast for me. Slow down dammit!! lol. Well, I'm going to go see what my child is getting into...hopefully she's watching cartoons *knock on wood*
Until we blog again...
)0(Blessed Be)0(

Whew!!

I am so glad that Thanksgiving is over with! I had a nice Thanksgiving, just hectic lol. I went over to my mom's Wednesday night to help her out with the cooking for yesterday. We had turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoes, and cranberry sauce. We also had pumpkin pie, but I was too stuffed to eat some. My mom brought some pie down for me today and dropped off Cheyenne for the weekend. But she didn't stay here long though. She called her friend Tea' and went up there to play with her. So I have the house all to myself....

A friend of mine and I went to go see Twilight Wednesday afternoon. OMG I LOVED THAT MOVIE!! He is soooooooooooo hunky lol! I can't wait for the next one to come out. It's even better than the book imo. So we had a real nice time at the movies and I'm supposed to go see him later today. So that's about it for now.
Until we blog again.....
xoxoxo & Blessed Be

What Is Up?!

With this crazy weather?! Last week and weekend, it was freezing cold, and snowing..Not it's almost 40 degrees outside. No wonder people are getting sick with this funky weather that we're having. It's crazy.

My mom & I took Cheyenne to see Santa after school today. She gave him her list..she was so excited. I took pictures on my cell phone because I was NOT paying $20 for ONE picture. That's insane. And besides, the ones I took on the phone look just as good as their pictures. She's really looking forward to Christmas and I'm glad. I want her to have a nice Christmas, ya know?
Well, it's late and I need to get some sleep!

Crappy Day...

Today started out okay....but then Cheyenne got upset at me when she asked me to take her to go see Santa. I tried to explain to her that Santa wasn't at the mall yet and then she told me that she didn't believe in Sana Claus and she didn't want anything for Christmas. I was heartbroken. I didn't know what to say. I felt so bad. I tried to tell her that I would take her to see him once he got there this next weekend. But that wasn't a good enough answer. So I don't know what to do. Any suggestions??

New Tag Board,etc...

I think I finally got the tag board code figured out and have it close to where I want it to be on my blog. What a PITA it was to paste the code into the existing html code. It's been so long since I've worked with html and css coding. But I think I'll get the hang of it again.

Cheyenne was going to spend the night at her friend's house, but she called me and wanted to come home. She said that spending time with me was more important than being at her friend's because she only gets to see me on the weekends. I thought that was so sweet of her to come home because she wanted to be with me. And I asked her if that was what she wanted and that I wouldn't be mad if she wanted to stay at her friend's and she said that was what she wanted, so I didn't argue the point. I left it alone.

I got some disheartening news tonight too. My good friend Marty called me back a little while ago to tell me how her mother was doing. There's been no change, but the doctors think that she has congestive heart failure and they have her on Lasix and a whole bunch of meds that even I can't pronounce. I just hope and pray that she makes it. I told Marty that I am here for her and if anything changes with her mom, for her to call me no matter what time and I'll be there. Marty has always been there for me and I can't even count how many times she has saved my ass or she has helped me find my way. And that wouldn't be fair of me to not be there for her after all she has done for me & Cheyenne. Cheyenne is like her granddaughter and treats her like she's her own. I just wish I could do something more to comfort her, but I know I can't do much else but be there for her.

And will it quit snowing already?!?!? My goodness, we're up to 9 inches here already. And the lake effect snow advisory is in affect until tomorrow sometime. My mom has about a foot of snow up by where she lives. Granted, a little bit of snow isn't too bad, but enough is enough already....lol
Cheyenne is loving the snow. She wants it to snow more...go figure. I'm glad that I have a 4wd vehicle and it handles pretty good in the snow too.

Until we blog again....

Snow Day!!

Cheyenne was happy that school was cancelled. First school was going to be delayed 2 hours because of the snow we got, then they decided to cancel school altogether. So I picked her up at my mom's and we came back home here. She played out in the snow for about 20 minutes or so, and came in and she was freezing...poor little thing, her face was so red. I made her some hot cocoa to warm her up.

We were supposed to spend the weekend at my good friend Marty's place, but she called me earlier to let me know that she wouldn't be in this weekend. Her mom was admitted to the hospital today. Her arms and legs were swollen, low blood pressure and her legs were also a purple color. So please keep her in your thoughts. Cheyenne was kind of bummed out because she couldn't stay with Marty, but she understand. Marty is like a grandma to Cheyenne.

So tonight sounds like a good night to just stay home and watch movies and have some popcorn with my daughter.....ttyl